How to start a conversation with anyone. Science-based.

 



Hey, how many times have you wanted to talk with someone and feel shy or didn't know what to say or you just started with the boring"Hey, how you doing?" and the conversation ended there?

If you are like me an ambivert person(half introvert/half extrovert) probably happens many times you can't even remember.

Today we will learn together a few principles of starting a conversation with anyone, science-based. 


When should I start the conversation?

Based on scientific research is good you start with the first 7 seconds. People form opinions and label us within the first 7 seconds. For example, if you take the elevator instead of the stairs people who see you for the first time will think you are lazy, maybe you are just tired.

Imagine the next scenario where you go to a waiting room and you sit next to a person and you won't say a thing for the next 10 minutes. This means you laid the base for this relationship where you won't talk with each other. After 10 minutes you will come with an opener and expect a conversation. It will be forced and not natural and will end quickly after a few exchanges.

You might think now that you don't have an opener for the conversation, doesn't matter just say something. Keep reading and we will dive even deeper into this.

Few tips on the first impression:

  • Always smile
  • Be well-groomed
  • Have an open body language


Kill the small talk.

How many times have you heard: 'How you doing?', probably you can't even guess as it is too many times and nobody can't even remember.

You can't remember because is boring.

Every time you want to start a conversation, try to be original with your question, more important be contextual.

Think about it, next time you someone grabbing a bunch of pens at your job, just ask them 'Are you writing a book?'. This is a good base for a conversation, the question isn't boring and it's contextual. More important your starting of the conversation should be more focused on the 'NOW' moment than on vague time.


How do you relate to a person? Me too moments

Have you heard the popular saying: 'Opposites attract each other. Well exactly the opposite, we humans tend to like people that are more like us. When meeting people that are like you and enjoy the same things, this will validate our selves, so we will have a tendency toward that person.

Is very simple to have me to moments, you just have to point them out. If you are engaged in a conversation and that person says it like to do 'XYZ' activity and you truly enjoy the same thing then just point it out. This will create a connection between your two and a feeling of validation, being more likely to hang out sometime. The key to getting to the 'me too' moments is to ask questions and be natural.


How do compliments help in conversation?

Before I tell you all about this topic I would like to take a moment and thank you for reading this article, and well done for you trying to become a better person, well done.

I meant everything I said, and I believe it made you feel a little better. Based on scientific research compliments make us feel good, and also help us learn things faster.

When you give compliments keep this in mind, don't give standard or fake compliments to a person. They will probably notice a fake compliment. 

Also, pay attention to what is important to the person, you might find a lot of positive things, however, sometimes we just brush them over and never say anything.

If you are a little shy try it out on people you feel comfortable with like your friends and family. When someone gets a new haircut, just give them a compliment you will observe instantly their mood change and the feeling of validation.


Ask for people's help or opinions.

Before we start I would like you to give me a hand with the growth of this blog, the only thing you can do is give me a comment.

Asking people for their help will make them feel better about themselves by helping you or giving their opinion on something.

This might give them a feeling of " I matter enough for this person or my opinions are important"

I always did this in my professional life with my managers, always asking for advice on things related to work, many times that manager took a place of a mentor in my life and help me promote or achieve some of my goals.


Humour, always use it.

Based on scientific research, when you make people laugh they feel better around you. If you make someone laugh every time you meet that person will unconsciously associate you with someone they feel good to be around.

Sometimes when you joke and laugh, you can say basically anything as people around you will feel good and won't bother with critics or judgements.

Few tips:

  • add on to someone else joke, this will give some confidence to the person and also help you relate to them as both have a sense of humour.
  • If you believe your joke was a bit harsh and crossed over a boundary, don't forget to add a compliment to that person right at the end, will help ease any tension.
  • Don't forget about yourself, making fun of yourself will ease any tension created.


Be present.

Did it ever happen to you to tell something important to a person and they will be on their phone, checking or worse writing messages. Terrible when someone won't listen to you.

So be present in the conversation, nod your head at the right times, and ask the question of encouragement at the right moments.

Is not enough to engage in conversation if you don't know how to listen and mentally you are not present there. Also, try to remember the details the person mentioned. So next time when you start a conversation again you could ask them something they already mention. This will give them a feeling of importance and that you are really caring for them.



Thank you for reading the entire post, we hope you enjoyed it.

Comments

  1. You made some clear points, well wrote

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'm a shy person and this article help me to start talking more easily with people and be more confident. Thank you a lot!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Replies
    1. I am agree with Sony! We need an article for us, to know how to start a conversation with any girl :))

      Delete
    2. Come 'on man! Write a topic about this! I curious your point of view about this..

      Delete
  4. There are some interesting aspects in your article! I will try your methods with my colleagues at work to see if it's working

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's a good idea! I will try with my colleagues at work as well, to see how is going.

      Delete
  5. I really like when you mention about the compliments in a conversation. It's really nice to receive compliments, but it's to rare in our days...

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    Replies
    1. I am agree! Specially, man do not make compliment to other man, and I don't understand why..

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  6. I always tried to be the funny guy in my group of friend to be liked by everyone! You had such a good point of view! Keep up writing, man! Love your topic!

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    Replies
    1. I am trying to be funny, but no one laugh to be honest. For me it's not a good method :))

      Delete
  7. English people likes small talk! I am one of them! How can I change this? I feel like I am in a loop! Trying to ask longer questions but people keep answer me with short answer.

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  8. You know.. It's hard as a man to ask for help! It's a think which I can't do it, but in rest I think all of your point are really good

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  9. The most interesting bullet point was for me " How to relate to a person". I am doing this most of the time. "Oh, really? I am the same". But I never realises it is a good way of relate to the person and have a conversation with that person more easier. Thanks for that! I will take that in mind next time when I will speak with someone

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  10. Be present is the best bullet point!

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  11. I am doing the same, always asking for advice on things related to work. I prefer to ask many times my manager than do a big mistake.

    ReplyDelete

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